Axel Read online

  She tried to put as much force in her voice as possible, and hoped that another patron would hear her. “I’m really not interested, and I suggest you back off.”

  Blondie nuzzled her neck. “Come on, honey. Don’t be like that.”

  Just as she was about to kick him in the groin, she caught sight of Axel over the man’s shoulder, and she froze.

  He stared at her, his face a mask of calm, but the intense rage he felt radiated around him in rolling waves of red. His hands balled into fists as they stared at each other, and she didn’t know whether to be completely terrified of him, or relieved.

  If the anger was directed at her, then she’d definitely be in big trouble.

  He strode over and stopped behind the two men, towering over them. She couldn’t break his gaze as his aura crackled around him like a raging wildfire. His dark eyes studied her face, and without another word, he wrapped a big hand around each man’s neck and pulled them away from her.

  Blondie spoke first. “What the hell?”

  Axel didn’t look at either of them, but kept his stare trained on her, and she wondered if he would snap their necks.

  “She’s not interested in either one of you. Go find someone else to play with.”

  “I don’t think you can speak for her,” the bald guy said, his voice laced with uncertainty.

  Axel looked down at the man, his gaze so cold and deadly, it made her think of black ice. Apparently, his look had delivered the message loud and clear. The men walked away without another word.

  As he turned his stare back on her, it softened a little bit, as did his aura.

  After a moment, he spoke. “Do you want to be here?”

  She shook her head and crossed her arms over her chest as she trembled from head to toe.

  He held out his hand, and relief swept through her as she took it. Most of the anger hadn’t been directed at her, but the vibrant reds still swirled around him. He said nothing as they left the club and walked out into the fall afternoon. She squinted as her eyes tried to adjust to the harsh light, and shame burned her cheeks. She never should have followed Axel. Instead, her curiosity had gotten the best of her, and she’d acted like a child.

  They walked over to the parking garage and he opened the SUV door for her. She slid in and stared out the front window, tears shimmering in her eyes.

  When he got into the driver’s seat, she realized she had much to say to him, but she couldn’t find the words. Her emotions had choked her, making it impossible for her to speak.

  As the tears finally fell, they rode the rest of the way home in silence.

  Chapter 14

  That night, Axel lay on his bed staring up at the ceiling. The last person he’d expected to see in the damn club had been Eden.

  As he’d fucked that other guy, he’d thought he had lost his mind when he’d felt her stare on him. At first, he’d ignored it, thinking that it had been his imagination as his mind had been filled with images of her while he pumped his hips.

  However, the feeling had been so intense, he’d opened his eyes to see her turning away from him. He’d immediately put the brakes on his session and zipped his fly. As he’d stalked over to her, his body had seemed to explode in white, hot rage. When the two men had backed her up against the wall, he’d wished he had his knives. He would have happily gutted both of them within seconds.

  Then, he’d wondered if she actually wanted to be there, and it had stopped him in his tracks. As their gazes had met, her eyes had widened in complete fear, and he’d wondered what she saw around him. He didn’t know the color of anger, but he’d supposed whatever it could be had come off of him in waves.

  It had physically hurt him to see her there, to have another male even think about touching her. The ache had spread throughout his whole body, and he’d realized he didn’t even want her to consider having a stranger’s hands on her.

  When she’d told him she didn’t want to be there, he’d grabbed her hand and never wanted to let it go.

  He knew the situation should be discussed, but he didn’t know how to open up the conversation. So, did you like watching me fuck that guy?

  No, that didn’t seem quite right.

  She’d obviously followed him, and it had itched at him a bit, but then he’d wondered why she would do so. To see where the freak-show hung out?

  As they’d driven, he’d been able to hear her little sniffles, and he’d realized she cried, but he hadn’t understood that, either. What had brought on tears? Sadness? What did she have to be sad about? Whatever had caused them, he didn’t like them at all as each little sniffle triggered a very uncomfortable feeling in his chest—like someone squeezed his heart to the point where the blood didn’t pump through it correctly.

  When they’d approached the silo, she’d asked him to let her out so she could claim she’d gone for a run. He’d done so without another word, wishing he knew what to say.

  Presently, he stood from the bed, his back a little sore from the start of today’s tattoo. As he pulled off his shirt, he walked into the bathroom. Turning on the light, he tore off the bandage and studied the work. It seemed to be healing fine.

  A soft knock sounded at his door, and he stood in the bathroom unsure he’d heard correctly. It came again. The only person who had ever come to his quarters had been Eden, and part of him wanted to run to the door, but the other part didn’t know if he wanted to see her right now.

  He slipped on his shirt before opening the panel to find her, her eyes glowing a soft yellow while she twisted her hands in front of her. She’d changed from her running clothes into a baggy sweatshirt and jeans, her black hair piled on top of her head. Despite that he didn’t like the fact that she’d followed him, or that she’d been in the club, his breath caught in his throat at the sight of her. Even that didn’t make sense as he’d had a good idea it would be her before he’d opened the door. Jesus. Just when he thought he couldn’t get any more screwed up, here he stood.

  “May I come in?” she asked, her voice hopeful.

  He nodded and stepped aside, then shut the door.

  She glanced around the room, then turned to him. “I was wondering if we could sit down and talk. I have some things I should have said to you earlier.”

  He shrugged, and followed her over to the brown, overstuffed chairs. As he sank into one, he realized he’d never sat in them before. They definitely would be used in the future as the oversized, soft cushions cradled his ass quite nicely.

  She sat with her back ramrod straight, still twisting her hands, her gaze remaining on the floor.

  When she finally spoke, her voice came out soft and delicate as she avoided eye contact. “I came to apologize to you.”

  He tried to figure out what for, but then realized it had to be for following him—probably some bullshit ethical thing about allowing people their privacy.

  “I shouldn’t have followed you, and I apologize for butting into your life. You didn’t invite me, and I should have stayed away.”

  As she said the words, the ache in his chest intensified, and he wished knew what caused it.

  “And thank you for pulling those men off of me,” she said as she lifted her gaze to him. “I never should have been there to begin with, and they were beginning to frighten me. I didn’t like them touching me.”

  A blast of what he thought may be envy railed through him, and a good dose of anger, as well. Eden’s brow furrowed as she studied the area around him.

  “Please don’t be upset with me for walking in on you and your lover, Axel. I couldn’t take it if we weren’t friends anymore, especially when you’re the only one who treats me as if I’m your equal.”

  His lover? That random dude that had wanted to take what he offered? It was semantics, but he didn’t consider that a lover. Didn’t you have to be in love to have a lover, as the word suggested? Maybe not, but he felt he had to clear the air.

  “He’s not my lover. I don’t even remember his name.”

/>   She sat back in her chair, her eyes wide, her mouth in a perfect O. He’d probably disgusted her, and that bothered him a bit. It chewed at him even more that he cared.

  “You don’t know his name?”

  He shook his head.

  “But … but you looked so happy!”

  That’s because I was thinking of you, wishing it was you below me, but knowing it could never be that way.

  He shrugged and rubbed his chest again, deciding he needed to get checked out. Maybe he’d go see Macy. She always seemed like a nice female, although he never really talked to her that much.

  He’d stick to his original plan with Cohen probably being the better option.

  Placing her head in her hands, she muttered, “I’m so confused.”

  “Why is that?”

  She let out a long sigh and looked over at him. “Your aura when you were with that man … I thought it meant love, but obviously, I was wrong.”

  Love? What the hell? He was completely incapable of that.

  He should probably let the conversation die, but it intrigued him that she thought she saw the emotion around him. “What color do you see that signifies love?”

  “Red. Red means love, but it can mean many other things, as well.”

  “Like what?”

  “Anger, danger, passion … it just depends on the person. Maybe I was witnessing you in the throes of passion,” she said, and then giggled. “You certainly didn’t look angry or dangerous.”

  He arched his eyebrows at her. The light sound of her laugh sent a wave of something good through him, from the top of his head down to the tips of his toes, and suddenly, he felt much lighter.

  As he ran his hand over his beard, he knew he shouldn’t ask the next question, but he needed to know. “Uh … w-what colors do you see around me right now?”

  She gazed at him as her smile faded. It felt as if she stared into his soul, as if he sat before her completely naked, his body flayed from neck to sternum. He feared she saw it all—the darkness, the pain, the black goo that oozed through his veins.

  When she spoke, her voice was just above a whisper.

  “I see tinges of blue, red, and purple.”

  “What does it mean?”

  She tilted her head. “You tell me, Axel. What are you feeling right now?”

  Their gazes locked. I feel like you are the most wonderful being I’ve ever known. I’m protective of you, like I would kill and die for you. I want to be around you, even though I know it’s best I’m not.

  “I … I can’t.”

  As she sat forward and placed her elbows on her knees, she spoke. “What do you mean, ‘you can’t?’”

  This conversation had become way too intense, and he fought the urge to run from the room.

  As he looked into those beautiful yellow eyes so full of curiosity, he ground his teeth together and clenched his fists. He didn’t like the way he felt right now. He didn’t like the emotions, didn’t like that he couldn’t put a name to them, and he most certainly hated the vulnerability clenching his gut.

  His story sat on the tip of his tongue, but at the last moment, he stood and walked across the room, breaking the spell she had over him.

  “You need to leave, Eden,” he said, his back to her.

  It seemed foolish of him to not be able to face her, but he couldn’t. His insides had twisted up, making him want to scream and hurt someone, and, well, maybe shed a tear or two. He needed time to calm down, to try to sort through the cauldron of shit bubbling within him.

  He didn’t hear her come up behind him, and he startled as her hand landed on his shoulder blade.

  “I won’t pretend to understand what’s happening to you, Axel. I just know something has changed inside you—there has been some type of shift. Before, I saw nothing around you, and now, I see colors. Those colors represent your emotions, and if I saw none before … well, it would lead me to believe that you’re coming out of a very dark place.”

  With that, Eden left, and the pain over his heart intensified. As he hissed and considered ripping it out, he thought about what she’d said. Gods above, he was so confused. He’d been emotionless for so long, he really didn’t have any way to gauge if what she said held any truth. He just wanted all the stuff stewing inside him to go away, and if it was physical, he needed to see Cohen and get it all out of there.

  Chapter 15

  Axel sat on the bed and speed-dialed Cohen.

  On the third ring, Cohen answered, his voice tentative and unsure. “Axel?”

  “Yeah. I’ve got something wrong with me.”

  “You’re just now figuring that out?”

  He sighed, thinking that Cohen had been joking around, but maybe not. Of course he knew his marbles had never been lined up correctly.

  “Just kidding, man. You want me to come see you?”

  “Yeah, if you could.”

  “I’ll be there in a bit.”

  He set down the phone and lay back on the bed. He’d never been to a healer before, even in his life on SR44. He understood how the process worked, and frankly, he wanted nothing to do with it. But, as he thought of his conversation with Eden, the ache intensified.

  A moment later, a knock sounded on his door. He’d never had anyone come see him since he’d moved in, and now, two people had come in one day. Wasn’t he popular.

  He opened the door, and Cohen stepped in. He didn’t hide his curiosity, and Axel imagined he’d give a full, detailed report to the others on mind fuck’s quarters. Axel glanced around and tried to see it though another’s eyes. A neatly made bed and completely spotless room looked as if it were an empty husk waiting for someone to come fill it up with possessions. He realized it could be used as a metaphor for his life.

  “So what’s going on with you?” Cohen asked, eyeing him warily.

  “I’ve got a bad pain in my chest. It comes and goes, but sometimes, it’s worse than others.”

  Cohen’s brow furrowed. “That’s never good. How long has it been happening?”

  He thought for a moment. “About three months. Maybe more. It’s getting worse.”

  Cohen rolled his eyes. “Did you ever think that maybe it would have been smart to have me look at it earlier?”

  He didn’t answer because he’d rather go into battle unarmed than go through a healing. The fact that he’d called Cohen only solidified how bad it had become.

  “Lie down on the bed and let me take a look around.”

  He did as instructed, nerves clenching his gut. When Cohen placed his hands on him while standing over him, he waffled between killing the male and curling up in a fetal position, begging him to go away.

  Cohen seemed to sense his tension and stepped away. “What’s up?”

  “I … if you could maybe sit down instead of stand over me, I think that would work better.”

  The male narrowed his eyes, but nodded and went to get one of the chairs. He sat down and laid his hands on Axel again.

  As he felt Cohen’s energy entering him, he tried to relax, to be calm and not think of all the times his smoky form had been penetrated in a vile way while in the Miladrids’ service.

  “You need to relax, Axel. I can’t do this if you’re fighting me.”

  He shut his eyes and tried to think of happy times. The list was pretty short, but the one person who seemed to make the top five was Eden.

  Remembering her smile, her piercing stare, and her warm and good personality did relax him. To him, Eden represented everything good in life, everything that he’d never had.

  “There’s nothing wrong with you, Axel,” Cohen said after a few moments, then sat back in his chair. “Your ticker is strong, your lungs are clear, your stomach is working properly … you’re extremely healthy.”

  Axel sat up and rubbed his beard. “Then what do you think it is?”

  Cohen shook his head. “I don’t know, man. If it’s not physical, then it’s probably emotional.”

  Placing his head in
his hands, he doubted that.

  “What does it feel like?”

  “Like there’s a fucking vise in my chest squeezing my heart.”

  They sat in silence for a few moments, then Cohen stood. “I don’t know what to tell you, Axel, except that I’ve had that feeling before. My mate gives it to me, and it can happen at any time. I can just look at her, and it seems like there’s a truck running over my sternum. When she tells me she loves me, I swear someone’s dropped a boulder right there.”

  Axel glanced up at him, not sure what Cohen’s mate had to do with his problems.

  “If I were you, I’d think about what you’re doing when it’s at its worst. Maybe start writing stuff down, and I bet you’ll be able to pinpoint the cause of it.”

  Standing, he walked Cohen to the door. Yeah, he definitely needed to get it all figured out.

  Cohen stepped over to the elevator, and Axel realized he should say something. “Thank you, Cohen.”

  The male arched a brow and looked over his shoulder at him, a small smile playing on his lips. “You’re welcome, Axel.”

  As Cohen stepped in and the panels shut, he returned to his room. He sat down in the chair and really considered everything.

  He had no physical problems, and he believed that because Cohen had no reason to lie to him. The pain had started a while back, and seemed to intensify as time went on. However, even in that frame, it got stronger at certain times, and faded at others. What made it stronger?

  As he looked back at the past few months, he realized the cause. At first, he couldn’t believe it, but the facts stood there before him, hitting him like a tank running over his face.

  Eden.

  It had started up a few months after Eden had shown up—a dull ache that he’d barely noticed. Over the past few months, it had gotten worse, especially when he stood in her presence.

  What had Cohen said?

  I’ve had that feeling before. My mate gives it to me, and it can happen at any time. I can just look at her, and it seems like there’s a truck running over my sternum.

  But, Eden wasn’t his mate. Or … oh, no.

  He closed his eyes and laid his head back on the cushion. Had he become an SR44ian male who had found his mate?